D :Yo ho ho.
P: YAAAR P: Dan and Phil games, parrots! P: Cause you’re the parrots on our shoulders. D: Have I? I lost my stick! P: You lost your stick last time, I think. P: You’ve been stickless for a while. D: I’m just a ball on a turf. P: I’m a festive pirate, if you didn’t guess. D: Right, yeah. P: Spreading Christmassy joy over the seven seas! D: ..That’s a thing. D: We had these outfits left over from somewhere and Phil, he decided to make it festive with some tinsel! P: It’s really itchy. D: I was about to say- D: How is that on the neck flesh? P:I feel like with golf and pirate and Christmas- D: It’s really a choice. P: I’m gonna have to lose one. P: I need to-ugh. D: You need to edit. D: I’m surprised you didn’t choke yourself to death! P: A whole new neck. D: Choke me daddy: festive edition. P: Bye! D: Now… *crickets sound* *laughing* P: Do you know what were doing? D: Uh… P: Do you know who you are? D: Who am I? *crickets sound* P: Hello! D: We are playing Golf With Friends! P: Not just golf, it’s the final golf. P: with friends | D: (to the tune of the final countdown) Its the final gooooolllf | P: bidibo P: boom P: that was a club D: How dare you, how rude P: Boom D: wow P: Boom D: The winter update | P: Awww | D: It is festive pirate edition! P: Yeah! D: and if we look at the levels we’ve done forest, oasis, twilight, candyland, D: ancient, haunted, we’ve really spent a long time P: we’ve done a lot of golf now
D: doing a lot of golf videos P: we thought it was only right we do the final one, *raspy pirate voice* pirate cove D: which is the least appropriate P: It’s not very festive D: in December P: thats why I had the tinsel on P: but before we get to get- to get to customize our pirate balls *record scratch* P; and I’m gonna go | D: sure man P: for bright pink. D: How is that festive?!! D: Red and green P: Red and green D: Mine’s already red P: I’ll do green P: is that green? D: Phil theres a green slider that you just have to- P:
D: that was GOOD | P: that was good D: this is scripted
P: Right (D: go on) I’m gonna try and replicate everything you just did D: uhm, copying, where’s your pirate code, excuse- mmmme | P: [squeals] yes, yes! D: [squeakily] Ooooo not quite
P: That was close! That was close. D: [laughs] ok, stop talking about how close it is, this video is immediately banned. P: In
D: Little stylish swivel, d’you see that? D: it’s how I roll
P: [deeply] Y’aarrrrr P: Two all
D: You could’ve made a parrrrr joke there *Drums*
P: Aww! Watch this. Gonna fully yeet it across P: Woo
D: That’s the only way to live P: Ok, watch out for the box
D: Oho, missed the flag D: Too leaf – too little, too … short D: Right. We’re gonna go slightly less far P: Yep
D: Here we go D: Oh! Ooh nooooooo askeskas
P: Oh! You just bounced off the rim there D: Just bouncing off the rim, that’s how I like to play it P: That’s very close
D: I don’t go in, I just bounce off it P: Here we go, here we go,
D: Make you think I’m good – what? P: What what what what what what what? In the hole. What what? In the – close D: What what in the putt?
P: Why am I missing all the puns today? D: I don’t know, I don’t know what is wrong with you
P: This is unlucky! D: The hat is just draining your spirit P: Maybe, this was worn by –
D: Wait! … AAH! *jaunty pirate music in game* D: Fu…
P: You nearly knocked me right in D: If I … collided you into that hole
P: Maybe I would’ve celebrated for weeks D: [muttering] old lady didn’t just do it
P: Parrrr D: There it is. Oh what the F – are you kidding me P: Oh no
D: Are you pulling my peg-leg P: Bogey
D: [sniff] D: Oh we’re on the ship. Thrilling. D: What is … What the hell is goin on here? D: They’ve got pirate … steering wheels What’re they called? They’re not wheels P: They’re steering wheels
D: They’re not steering wheels P: What’re they called? D: Man. Oh god man what’re they called?
P: Boat wheels! D: You! Man get on the …
P: Poop deck! It’s like Santa Banter all over again. D: Oh for god’s sake. Right. D: And they … look they’ve also got some big coin purses over there D: Got some fat booty
P: Yeah D: Here on this deck
P: They’re just filled with ass they’re not even coins D: Uh, I’m gonna go down the school of Phil P: Do it
D: YEET! D: Right. Uhmm
P: Ooh! That’s not bad. D: okay…
P: If the wheels are in your favour you’ll be fine *Jaunty pirate music in game*
D: Perfectly balanced P: Alright Thanos calm down. Watch this and learn D: You’re saying “watch this and learn” when you’re doing exactly the same thing that I just did, seconds P: No I’m going slightly to the left, to tease me around
D: Le – okay Both: Yes
D: How did that work? P: I don’t know how I’m gonna get across the gap
D: Alright well yeah good luck getting on that. Ok D: Now if I do this D: At the right time D: I should be fine. Ok
P: That rhymed D: YOOP! Oh yes, look at that skip
P: That was good! D: woah
P: Not bad D: *clap* Bow to me
P: See, why was walking the plank so dangerous? P: ’cause they just fall in the sea. P: I mean, what’s the big deal?
D: ‘Cause they frickin tie a cannonball to them P: Do they?! | D: Yeah that was an important element of walking the plank P: oh I thought they just like, jumped off
D: No they tie them – D: You thought that walking the plank was just like gaily jumping off the ship (P: yeah) for no reason D: Alright, here’s a bit of rope, come back up Nevin.
Both: right P: I’m gaily adjusting my stance now
*Jaunty pirate music in game* P: So I can go right down the middle
D: I feel sorry D: For whoever works at youtube D: and has to approve this for monetisation
P: Look. Melinda likes us D: I’m so… just delete the whole channel. Right!
P: We’ll send you some money. Right go! P: [clicks tongue] watch and learn. Wooooo P: och oh that was so close to the edge D: Phil’s edging us, guys P: Oop. That’s not bad, that’s not bad
D: but we’re watching and we’re learning P: That’s a big amount of gold actually D: That’s a massive pile of booty over there, that is ass central | P: Soo much ass P: Right
D: Y’arrrsss P: Not too bad. 9/9! D: y y y’arrrrsss
P: Y’arrssss P: What is this!
D: Like arse. Phil. P: I got it, I got it. Goldfish … sharks. Garks. D: That is not a goldfish shark, that’s just a giant goldfish P: He’s off to a halloween party. D: That – pff. It’s a statement, and I like it. P: Oh they’re not a part of their body they’re just strapons D: That’s… pff [begins laughing]
*In game music* P: Tch You know what I mean! Wheee! D: Oh I see, oh there’s two! P: Oh scheisse. That was almost really good. D: And yet it was | P: Can I do it again
D: No you can’t do it again D: Right, obviously I have to go for the other one now, here we go D: Yomp. Yes, Yes, No! No no no oh.
P: Into the goldfish’s mouth. P: Right. Watch this, watch this.
D: I’m gonna do the exact same thing, just less powerful. P: I’m gonna do slightly less, slightly less.
*In game music* D: That really is slightly (P: Whoo) less that you’re doing the– P: Yeah no this is good!
D: theeeeeerrrrrrrreee P: That was grand!
D: Ok, my go D: My toyota
Both: sponsors to the E4 D: What the hell! (P: giggles) What just happened?! P: I don’t even know but I’m
D: What do WHY DO YOU HAVE D: I deserve an extra go
P: Nope *TV static sound* P: Whee! Oh, what?
D: Yeah, that’s what you get. D: That’s what you get (P: Biatch) that’s what you get. D: What the f dingball frickity happened
P: [singing] that’s what you get when you let your golf win P: woah oh woah oh splash
D: Here we go … shiiiii P: Someone likes the sea, someone’s been walking the plank a lot. P: Not mee. | D: Nobody likes a boastful pirate.
*in game music* P: Oh that, that’s alright. D: I can live with that. P: ¡Ay, caramba!
D: That’s not a pirate thing P: D’you reckon there was any posh pirates, so they were all like “y’arr” and then there’s one guy in the corner like P “Oh, ehm, Timothy, could you pass me a little slice of parrot” D: Have you really like not seen Pirates of the Caribbean? P: No, I never really watched it.
D: This is a literal whole thing D: Where are we now? We are in the cave. D: HOLE … five D: Hole five and I’m feeling alive D: Boing boing shit. Oingo Boingo I’m a dick D: There you go, your go.
P: I bet pirates would’ve stunk wouldn’t they D: Yeah. Well most people in history, before like showers. P: Here we go Woop
D: would have smelt like, pretty bad. P: Oh [grunts]
D: Oh, you learnt nothing D: From meee
P: I was closer though. D: And WHAT
P: You didn’t learn anything from yourself D: Dan, the frickin’ WORST PERSON at geometry, more like | P: Watch this, watch this P: Oh, I thought that was a wall! | D: Majestic failure with a lot of confidence there, a big fan of that (P: Oh, god) D: That was pretty good | P: We’re doing terrible at this D: I’m gonna– wait WAIT WH– theres no way I can make it across that little beam D: Alright P: Ooh! *clap* (D: wha—) D: That is luck, you deserve (P: That was not luck, it was pure skill!) nothing in life D: Don’t you fucking dare– oh my god D: I’m gonna die P: They’re gonna do an exam about me, and everyones gonna get an A star, watch this D: y’know, if you say “watch this” every frickin’ time you click (P: I just can’t help it) im just gonna turn off your computer D: Okay, right, I’m going to very cAREFUlly– | P: Fall in the sea? P: You’ve only got one more go! | D: Right, thats it, im just gonna have to do something amazing now P: Thats gonna turn into ten | D: *singing* something incredibl— D: *Gasp* *quietly* Noo! D: Hole six, give it a lick | P: Watch this P: Oooh, that was sexy! | D: I’m gonna go… down the road… less traveled by you (P: okay) P: Where’s that?! D: Oh I see, its heading for MY name | P: Oh no! D: Oh dear! | P: Go on then | D: Plank-spank.com *mutters* don’t go on that (P: no, really don’t) D: Birdie (P: Here we go) D: *Bird noises* D: *bird noises* P: That’s not bad, c’mon! C’mon lad! D: “Come on lad”? who are you? Louis Tomlinson on X-Factor (P: *laughs*) P: Not bad, I’ll take a four D: Already, climbing in back (P: Phil’s still in the lead) D: Really? you’re boasting– you’re boasting when you got THIS much D: Alright, hole seven, I’m gonna go left because im left handed, and I deserve to be represented in my suffering on a day to day bas– D: Eeeee? ooooo! P: Okay, that didn’t look too great P: I’m gonna go up here D: Oh yeah? “It didn’t look too great” P: What the eff? D: No no no! You have to go right! You have to– P: I dont have to do anything D: Thats what you get D: You have to go right! You have to g– wha– I CANNOT believe you, caring more about being competitive (P: I’m not!) (P: I never win!) D: Than you are about showing all of our wonderful subscribers D: all the amazing content in the early access steam game, (P: okay) D: ‘Play golf with your friends’ P: Like you wouldn’t P: Ugh you deserve not to get that D: That was a slow one D: Made you think I wasn’t gonna do it, and then I put it in P: Right, here we go P: I don’t know whats happening, so im just gonna go for it D: WOW (P: What was that?) D: I have no idea (P: I don’t know whats happening) D: I don’t know what I just watched. Okay P: I don’t know if that was my camera skills or the level D: We’re doing a whole damn thing D: All I can say is that im just gonna maximum yeet into the wall, okay D: Oooh oo okay, I feel like I just hacked (P: You just broke physics) D: Not complaining. Hey how’re you doing there loser D&P: *To the tune of ‘Hit me baby one more’ time* Oh pirate pirate, where was I supposed to yaargh D: To float D: *mockingly* Ooooh! paargh P: Paargh! *laughs* D: *Singing a pirate tune | P: *gasp* Come on! P: Not bad P: I’m losing my lead! | D: You’ve blown your lead D: Like a cannonball D: Yes yes yes! With confidence, (P: ooh!) with pizzazz– and he’s back at the start. right P: I mean, that was close to being good D: Ya aint gonna do anything with that weak commitment. Pah! D: The endeth is in sighteth. I see mine, im gonna go like tHIS D: That was too eager, eager beaver | P: Very, very eager P: Just slow and steady wins this race D: Does it? P: *whispers* yess | D: We’ll see about that P: Parrgh! D: He is par D: Ooooh D: and then, are you ready for this? D: The beauty of lines– Wait no D: No, NO D: Right D: Alright (P: Alright) D: The gap widens P: Not that bad P: Here we go D: What is going on? | P: There we go D: Did you go right or left? | P: I’m not telling you! P: I went right, so you can go left, go on D: What is you problem? Why do y– okay that is a full on– (P: It’s an octopus!) D: The hentai plot twist no one wanted right now D: NANI (P: that is gonna be right somewhere) P: Okay, im gonna go this way D: Right in the poop deck D: oooAAegh P: Oh this is nice! This is very satisfying P: Come on! Come on come on come on D: I’m gonna– P: OH! that was so close D: oooo [high-pitched dolphin noises] not quite P: dink! D: I cannot believe this D: this is terrible! Everything’s a disaster! (P: ohmygod Dan, whats happened?) D: I’ve blown it, this is a ten, this is a ten D: This is– (P: It’s not, you can get it!) D: This is an absolute ten D: I’ve not got it, I’ve– P: Oh oh oh! D: *sad laughter* D: Hole eleven | P: Right, come on odd-boy | D: Shut up D: Right D: Oh sh– fine (P: Not that bad) P: No way no way D: mana mana P: mana mana D: Oh, as if! P: aw (D: Thats what you get) P: is that part of it? D: No D: Its part of the loser station, for idiots who get everything wrong P: Oh god D: FRICK D: Okay P: Bit less then, eh? D: I love that you fully went for the same strategy though (P: I did!) D: Thats relatively commendable (P: its a good strat!) D: OH this is HARD (P This is–) D: This is difficult (P: this is really hard) P: Im not even gonna speak D: speak! D: I did it! P: How do you do this? D: I guess some people are yknow just skilled booty-raiders, and some people are losers P: I thought I was going straight for the booty and– P: Now its almost close again | D: you missed a booty P: Right, I’m gonna go on this, just for a LOL P: Woo! P: I mean I’m not complaining | D: Why do I feel like that was good? P: I think I was meant to do that (D: I’m not gonna do that though) D: Because, you know, im all about giving the audience experiences (P: yeah) D: so I’m going to go for this one P: okay, I’m gonna slowly get over here, and then get myself inside that cannon P: Aw (D: ha ha ramp tramp) P: scheisse D: Right, here we go D: ZOMP, yea– P: That was very underwhelming, I’m not gonna lie P: I thought it was gonna zoom you over D: I know! Well you’re gonna have to commit to something right not | P: I am P: Watch this P: Woo! P: They don’t even work!! | D: Alas D: Have you actually been paying attention to where this sends you and what you could be landing on that isn’t water? P: No, I’m gonna go halfway P: *gasp* oh! (P: wh– what?) D: well, what the hell happened there (P: I don’t know what that was) P: I think you need to like, get inside it when its pumping. It kinda goes “bloop!” D: So if I go like this D: YES P: There we go! D: Look who I meet on the battlefield D: yes yes yes yes yes YES YES! P: Okay, here we go P: yes! I don’t have to get a ten D: its really getting close (P: Its getting close!) D: Whole thirteen, unlucky for– P: You! D: that doesn’t rhyme with ‘some’ D: Oh great, its a little water bobbing challenge, I love these D: Or am I going to MAXIMUM FORWARD YEET – yes I am D: Okay, here we go, uh that was just a big waste of time, but I wonder if Phil was paying attention P: See sometimes I wanna explore with fashion, and I feel like this is the kind of thing (D: do you, Phil?) P: D’yknow like, a flowy wrist– D: DO YOU want to explore with fashion (P: yeah!) D: What does that mean? P: I don’t know, but just having this material against my arms– I’m like, “this is nice, this is a new texture” (D: I feel like I’m in a shakespeare play) P: There are so many textures out there! D: Wow Confucius, “Theres so many textures out there, man!” P: watch this D: you literally did the same thing I did and– whaaaa–? P: That was so pleasing D: “so pleasing”?! You didn’t even know what you did! D: Okay, oh my god (P: looks like Dan’s in the drink!) D: I’m gonna defecate P: I’m already having rum back there with the boys and you’re in the middle of the ocean D: “Rum with the boys”? Alright P: First birdie *caw* D: I’m gonna wheel you outta this room D: *quietly* this is crap P: Ten ahead (D: Still ten behind, god) P: I could just laze around on the ship now (D: You could go on a lazy river) D: Why don’t you go on a little lazy ocean and get stranded on a beach island? (P: I don’t like lazy rivers) P: Theres always kids with like, water pistols that wanna fire at you just when you’re getting dry (D: Why would they do that?) P: I know! D: Why would they– you’re in a lazy river, literally like, sitting on a dingy and just fall asleep D: And then at some place they give a bunch of terrible, evil, violent children the ability to spray cold water on you P: Yeah, and you’re like “Ooh, this is nice” and then you look to the left and theres just this plaster or band-aid going past your face and you’re like *gagging* P: What is this? (D: um) P: This is some Mario shiz over here D: That is so Mario man, have you ever seen anything more Mario in your entire life? (P: Well Mario–) D: That better be a hole up there, I think it is (P: Your mum) P: ooh we’re going into that cave! This is highly well made D: Steam review from Phil; “Golf with friends: It is highly well made! Also, there are many textures” (P: shut up) P: Alright, watch this and learn P: Why do I keep saying “watch this”? Am I like, broken today? D: “Today”? | P: Ever P: Forever D: Here we goo! I’m down the hole (P: oh, right, you’re in prime posish for whatever the heck–) D: And I am prepared for whatever the frick– P: What the crap? I just got zinked off the corner D: Peepity-poop deck D: Right, I can’t do this too fast but I can’t do it too slow either, here we go D: Oh yeah! (P: that was smooth!) P: Cripes D: Well, I really look forward to Phil getting his ten, just evening out, its gonna be great its gonna be fun im gonna have a great time D: Oooo not today! P: Oh my god if this doesn’t work out for me.. (D: You went onto the platform, but then it sank) P: Shut up D: Sank spank P: Stop! (D: oh, again? oh, so tragic) P: I’m gonna walk out of this room (D: God I feel so bad) and you’re never gonna see me again D: Okay, thats fine | P: Im gonna be a newspaper headline: “Where’s he gone?” (D: He’s gonna grow a beard) (P: I would grow a beard) D: Thats the newspaper headline? “Wheres he gone?”? Yeah thats my favourite newspaper, so creative and intellectual (D: WHERES HE GONE) P: This is it! This is it! Christ (D: I can confirm; this ain’t it, Captain!) P: It is! D: You thought I was gonna say chief? Not today, today its seasonal thematic memes P: I’m almost–! aw, I didn’t get it D: ohhh, too late! Ahoy mate P: Ugh, three between us now (D: *Mumbling* maximum yeet) P: Maximum yeet. D: Yes! Yes! Yes! I didn’t see what happened. I’m going down, im going on a journey, and theres the hole P: I’m going for medium yeet D: Go down the left or the right! Give people the different content experiences (P: it looks dangerous but fine, fine, fine) D: why am I helping him? (P: That was good!) P: yes and I’m lined up straight for the edge! D: Oh god. Christ (P: This is good news) D: oh bollocks, thats not even this hole P: Okay but watch this P: Yes! P: *caw caw* D: Does he dare? (P: You don’t dare) D: He doth (P: Oh nice) P: Hole sixteen, supreme (D: Ohmygod this is begging for maximum yeet) D: Do it, do it, do it, coward (P: I’m gonna do it) P: Woo! (D: Yes!) D: Why am I helping? (P: That was exciting!) D: Am I helping? (P: Less exciting) D: I don’t know, I feel like if you were on a more accurate path, that wouldve been good D: Going right down the middle, ZONK, here we go (P: Oh that is sexual) D: Golf, gone sexual (P: *singing* Am I sexual, yeahh) D: Right, here we go! Zoooooop (P: I was about to sass you, but––) D: *CAW* (P: I take it back) P: I’m joining you in bird-town D: caw caw, you’re crap caw P: *laughing* shut up D: theres only two holes left, and you’re still five ahead (P: Philly’s in the lead) P: Oh, we’re going into the cave! (D: and this is hole seventeen) P: The crystal skull (D: Like this, shit on it) P: Into the sea (D: Woop) P: Yes! This is so exciting P: … and it failed (D: *laughs* P: aw, that makes the game a bit rubbish (D: oh dear) D:You ready for this? (P: yeah) D: Nose time! D: *sings* dadadadooda
P: This has gotta be it D: wow theres some serious ‘Nani?’ happening over there (P: Senpai?) P: Oh my god (D: Yeah thats a whole thing right there, hi altros (?) how ya doing) P: im just gonna fight that to the death (D: yeah im sure theres a fighting mechanic) P: why can’t I get in the nose? (D: Oh, Phil can’t stick it in the nose) D: right, my go, hello P: I’m just preparing! And you’re going straight in the ocean P: Right, here we go, here we go, right, come on (D: He’s in the nose, he’s not messing about) D: If you touch me, I will break your possessions (P: I’ll throw you out of the window) D: Oh my god, okay, theres no way that I can do this, I’m gonna have to pray for some miracle of geometry P: That was almost good! (D: Nooooooo) P: so close but yet so far D: so close but yet so – *cough cough* *sad music* D: noo P: Final round! (D: Well, that was a double flop there, heading towards t– oh my god) P: Speaking about double flops P: I mean, its nearly over, but can I just say that this has been a very fun pirate duel? D: A what? (P: A duel! Like a pirate duel?) D: Cowboys have duels, pirates don’t have duels P: Pirates can have duels! They could just like, hook their hooks together and throw each other in the ocean! D: I’m pretty sure they swashbuckle and have swordfights, they don’t link hooks! (P: I think they do) D: That is something else that they do, probably on the poop-deck, I don’t wanna know about it P: Watch and learn D: What was that? (P: *gasp* ooh!) D: okay, here we go P: I think the hole is inside the octopus (D: He is eating the course, people) P: We’re going inside the tentacles D: I’m gonna go… slightly to the left, and that was a– I was totally gonna bounce back there P: *quietly* spink P: ugh, its right in his throat P: How does this even work? I can’t really tell D: I’m here (P: I’m just gonna zoom up and see what happens) D: That is a wooden– okay, he doesn’t get it (P: I don’t get it) D: You just knocked me! (P: Its a shelf) D: And now, I’m in a moderately good position to just – okay (P: Maybe not, maybe not) P: This is the one, I’m gonna go for about that amount –– watch the teeth.. (D: *gasp*) P: YES! That was amazing, come on, give me that, man D: What the hell? I applied more power than Phil and I just dribbled up the wall? P: *singing* I got the octopus, he’s gonna marry me, we’re gonna have tentacle hooked babies, with parrots on the crib D: I would rather die than see that happen (P: Okay, I’ll look up some fan fiction later) D: Oh, god (P: I don’t want you to join me in the hole anyway) D: It means nothing, oh god! oh no! the final insult! (P: Retreat! Retreat!) D: God, spank me with a plank and call me poopy Susan, I am out of strokes, out of luck (P: Poopy Susan) D: And there we go, I guess that means – (P: I am the winner!) D: In the final ever DanandPhilGAMES ‘Golf with Friends’ golf battle P: It feels good. I did cheat by practising in Florida all those times in minigolf (D: Totally, yes) P: But I think that was my favourite one D: I think that was my favourite one! It wasn’t too hard, it was quite fun, it had a tentacle (P: Over quite fast) P: You love a good tentacle, don’t you. Have you seen those fingers? P: Where each one is a tentacle? P: I should get some of those (D: No, you shouldn’t) D: OKAY; calling it a day there, Thanks for watching this, I hope you’ve had a really fun time watching out golf series (P: Yeah!) D: Yknow, a game thats mostly about two people playing a very terrible early access minigame golf turned into utter FILTH for 30 straight minutes (P: only if you make it!) D: Well, we always made it didn’t we D: and then, for the very last time (P: oh, my head feels free) P: so much green stuff (D: *laugh* oh god) D: Wow, its a good thing we’ve been keeping these pirate costumes for the last two years, finally they came in handy (P: We got some use out of them) P: so give us a pirate-y hook up! a hook up, not a hookup, if you enjoyed this video, check out out last video, subscribe to us, have a good day P: and remember… (D: don’t walk the plank with chains, otherwise its just diving, Phil) P: Bye!