Phil: Hello DanandPhilGames Caddy Lads…
[Dan: Hi there.] Dan: Ooo, just when I think I’m ready to move on with my life, here we are!
[Phil:…and co.] Dan: They added a new one
[Phil: Yeah!] Dan:*squeaky voice* It’s more golf!
Phil: More golf! Dan: Now, uhm… Phil: Dan, where-wh-wh-wh-where’s your hat? Dan: The main reason why I get…
[Phil: What’s this?] Dan:…very upset by these golf games…
[Phil: What’s this?] [Phil: *squeaky voice* What is this madness!?]
Dan:…is because of those freaking hats. [Phil: Yeah.]
Dan:So, I went and got an actual golf visor. [Phil: Do you not miss the rough–]
Dan: Don’t know how I’m supposed to wear it so I just shoved it onto my head. Phil: *laughing* Dan spent like ten minutes saying ‘Does it go down or up?’
[Dan: I’ve got like hair poofing out like a cactus.] Dan: Look, I’m not here for that
[Phil: This is….I wanna touch that.] Dan: You’re not wearing that like it’s a beret; I’m not wearing this like it’s a VIZOR.
[Phil: Boink Boink Boink.] [Phil: *imitates Dan* VIZOR.]
Dan: People want us to hit some balls, have some bants and enjoy a themed adventure. Dan: I’m wearing my shirt from Florida, you’re wearing plaid cause that’s 90% of your wardrobe
[Phil: Yeah.] Dan: Let’s get into it.
Phil: Do you not miss the rough of the green…on your head? Dan: And how it leaves flakes of astro turf in my head for days?
[Phil: *chuckles*] [Dan: No.]
Phil: Well you keep winning so I think this was your power. Phil: I’m now wearing Dan’s, complete with flag…and ball. Dan: Ball Power.
[Phil: Soo…] Phil: Watch out lads! Phil’s on the course. Phil: Apologies that my screen is a bit jittery, my computer just can’t handle this game anymore. [Dan: Can’t handle the bants.]
Phil: Can’t handle the bants; can’t handle anything. Dan: Because steam won’t let my abandon my old branding, I’ve made my ball red. [Phil: Alright.]
Dan: So you have to, uh, change yours, Phil. Phil: I’m gonna go with yellow today. Dan: Niceeeee, are we gonna argue about whether it’s yellow or green or..? Phil: That is fully yellow! Dan: That’s yellow! Okay good, fine.
[Phil: You’re blind.] Dan: And then level!
[Phil: OOF!] Dan: So we’ve done Forest, Oasis, Twilight and Candyland and Haunted… Dan: But now there’s ancient and pirate
[Phil: Ancient-] Phil: If there is a theme, I love a good dinosaur theme.
[Dan: You love a good dinosaur.] Phil: *hums Jurassic Park theme song* Dan: Because you’re old and scaley. Dan: *exclaims* BACKWARDS FLYING BUTTERFLY ALERT! [Phil: Already begun..]
Dan: Still an early access, I’m pretty sure we played the first golf game like 17 years ago. Phil: Is this going to be better than the new Jurassic Park movie or is the new Jurassic Park movie gonna be better than this?
[Dan: I like Jurassic World…] Phil: I love Jurassic World!
[Dan: It wasn’t the best movie of all time but it was just fun, right?] Phil: Why do people hate on Jurassic World?
[Dan: I know.] [Dan: *snorting voice* Wow….someone’s getting uh..]
Phil: Some interesting- Dan:…some erotic roleplaying in Candyland. Phil: Let’s ignore that
Dan: and quickly join-
[Phil: Uh…] Phil: *sing-songy* Password: Rat Dan: What are you? Haha *snorts* Dan: Check out these graphics! Dan: It’s like some weird Shrek AU where they end up worshipping Gingerbread Man.
Phil: This looks exciting. Dan: And…I’m here for it. Phil: Alright.
Dan: Who’s first? Phil: I’ll go first cause I’ve got the hat on and I’m feeling confident. Dan: Hole is the goal and you’re the mole and you’re smol. Let’s go.
[Phil: Here we go….YEE] Phil: Okay, it needs more power than that. Dan: I need… *croaks* more power
Phil: *squeaky voices* Unlimited power…
[Dan: Right…] Dan: Right, here we go, you ready? Dan: Zinc and padinc
[Phil: No, No!] Dan: *claps*
*sings* Hole in one, Hole in one
[Phil: Are you kiddding!?] Dan: Power of the visor! Dan: Tip tip, m’golf.
[Phil: I hate the visor.] Phil: Right, I need to get back on this track.
[Dan: I apologise for nothing.] Phil: Here we go! C’mon!
[Dan: Get over it!, you keep asking for-]
Phil: Oh, what the.. Dan: Not that much Phil. Oh, god.
[Phil:..frick?] Phil: spick
[Dan: Um..] Phil: Oh, what the *slams desk*
[Dan: Oh dear.] Phil: Can we start again? This isn’t fair.
[Dan: So…no, no, no, we can’t; this is fine.] Phil: Oh no…. Dan: *sings* It’s stroke four, Phil is a bore, Oh dear, I think it’s time to close the door…
[Phil: Oh my god…Oh no!] Dan: *normal voice* On his career and his life cause he sucks.
[Phil: Geeeez.] Dan: This is it, ha ha ha. Phil: *pained laugh* Dan: Well, I don’t know man; it’s like people said we’re golf pros, we want endgame content.
[Phil: This is ridiculous.] [Phil: Oh, I was so braggy.]
Dan: Th-This is hole one, people. Phil: What the hell? Dan: Well, we only let you have eight so Phil: What the hole?
[Dan: That’s fine..]
Dan: What the hole is wrong with you? Phil: C’mon please Dan: Oh dear. Phil: I’m gonna just cry.
[Dan: I guess-I guess the ball hat makes you worse.] Phil: Everyone loves an underdog. Phil: Ten! Dan: Well.. you’ve got a lot of grounds to dig out from under. Phil: *groans* Dan: Are you ready?
Phil: Go. Dan: And….gazink! Dan: Oooo, oh, oh, oh, noooo
[Phil: If you get another….I was about to say] Phil: If you get another hole-in-one, I’m gonna call the police and the army and my mum to kill you. Dan: Kathryn is not a violent person.
Phil: She is, when you beat me at golf. Phil: WEEEE! Dan: *squeaky voice* Don’t speak to me or my son ever again. Dan: Okay, there we go. Phil: Oh.
Get out of my turf. Phil: Is that a dinosaur egg?
[Dan: Yes Lad!] Dan: Yes Lad!
And, here we go…. Dan: Oh…the hole is in sight and Danny is coming into land. Phil: Well, I’m gonna sweep past him and actually go inside it. Phil: There we go x3
Dan: Wow, one that- on the two frames that Phil’s MacBook… Phil: Why is my computer so slow?
[Dan:…can muster up.] Dan: This is just some incredible scenes from me.
Bang, bang, bang. King of Geometry. [Phil groans]
Dan: Golf and Life…. Dan: PAR. Phil: I will see your PAR and match the PAR!
[Dan: Ooooooooo] Dan: And I’ll raise you
*monotone* the same. Phil: *freaked out* Oh my god! Dan: Right, okay, well, this is escalating.
[Phil: Are you kidding!?] Dan: Where…the effing.. donkey nuts…is the freaking holerino? Dan: Go on then, Phil. Phil: I’m gonna show Indiana Jones who’s boss with-
*hums Indiana Jones theme song*
[Dan: Ohhh! Ball strategy.] Phil: *hums Indiana Jones theme song* Dan: *sings* Where’s the holeeee? Where do weeeee go?
[Phil: Oh my god.] Phil: I’m gonna get squashed. Phil: The hole’s over-
Dan: *exclaims* How is it over there? Phil: I don’t know.
Dan: What does that even mean? Dan: Here we go…..zimp Dan: Ohhhh…….sh—schnapps. Phil: *chuckles* Schnapps.
[Dan: I drank a lot of peach schnapps once when I was, uh, about fifteen and I was very sick everywhere.] Dan: I don’t- I don’t recommend that to anyone. Dan: Here we go.
*moans in satisfaction* Oh, oh, yes, yes.
[Phil groans in disappointment] Phil: So smooth. Dan: Double bogey *blows nose* Phil: This is it. Phil: C’mon, Hole in
*dejected* Twelve. Dan: *high-pitched* Hole in Six! That’s fine. Phil: Meh. Dan: We can’t all be holes in ones
[Phil: There we go.] Dan: Your-your life is a hole in six and that’s okay.
Phil: There’s my hole in six. Dan: Oooh, it’s a seven actually. Phil: *exasperated groan*
Dan: But, that’s fine; you’re still giving the people that underdog dream that they love. Phil: *exasperated* FINE.
[Dan: It’s doomed.] Dan: What the…absolute log-swing is happening over here? Right.
[Phil laughs] Phil: I’m gonna use that in every language.
[Dan: It’s that stinky corpse flower over there.] Phil: Oh yeah! Dan: Oh look, it’s Phil. And there’s some trepedip *garbles* phobia. Phil: *garbles* Dan: *sings* Dan, master of geometry…
*explosion noise done by mouth* Phil: You are….a…
[Dan: *still making explosion noises*] Dan: No, that was so good. Oh my god.
[Phil repeatedly says oh in anticipation.] Phil: Yeah, whack him into the swamp.
[Dan repeatedly says no.] Dan: Right, fine.
Phil: Go on. little Oggy. Dan: I just needed to believe even more than I belove. Dan: You literally just saw me master it; why did you not just copy me? [Phil: Youn-]
Dan: Are you effing….my.. fucking butt? Dan: Right, whatever. Phil: Young Phil would be so mad at me. I used to spend all my time designing mini golf courses and I can’t even do hole four on this stupid dinosaur thing.
[Dan: *sings* You let your young self down.] Dan: That’s not a song but if it was, it would be the song of Phil’s life and wow, you got log-smacked. Phil: logsmack.com
[Dan: *to the tune of moon pig.com, an advert played in the UK* log smack.com Dan:*sings* And I’m over the hump, I am doing well.
[Phil: Go!] Dan: Phil is rolling back; he is going to hell.
[Phil: Shoo, that was rubbish; don’t go back into the log ….please, PLEASE!] Dan: Dan, master of geometry
*pew pew noises* Dan: Fuck! I mean, yeah……
[Phil: No……Oh!] Dan: I was just making it so I didn’t have such an insane lead….get over yourself.
[Phil: Oh! Hello!] Phil: What the…
[Dan: Wow Phil, there’s no need to just kiss the grass…]
Dan: ….you grass kisser. Dan: *snorts*
[Phil: I thought, th- there’s a wall there!] Dan: Well you hopped over it, you eager little bint. [Dan: Right…]
Phil: I’m gonna hop over your mum’s wall and…ruin her flowers. Dan: That’s the most offensive thing anyone’s ever said to me. [Phil: Okay..]
Dan: *blows nose* Dan: *proud, fond voice* You did it! *claps* [Dan: *still clapping*]
Phil: Slow and steady wins the race. Phil: *copying Dan* Phil, matcher of geometr-
*snorts* matcher. *laughs* Both: Phil, master of…
[Dan..speech.] Dan: Literal English Language Degree
Phil: *Northern accent* Shut up. Phil: Right, this is it. Kink. Dan: Kink? Your kink is missing holes.
[Phil: It doesn’t go in.] Phil: My kink is…being terrible at this.
[Dan: Phil is very lonely.] Phil: Eight again? I’m gonna rip my ears off and throw them at the camera.
[Dan: You okay mate? Ma ma ma-eight] Dan: You’re my ma-eight cause you only ever get eight. Dan: Wow, what is this water fea-oh my god. Phil: Ooooooo Dan: We seem to have ventured into a desert out of nowhere.
Phil: Okay. Dan: And all of a sudden, wow look at that skeleton.
[Phil: I’m digging it.] Dan: For some reason, there’s a great ferry fountain in there.
Am I right guys?
Phil: Yeah. Dan: *sings* Water slide role-play, down I go… Phil: This is fun. Dan: Ugh, lazy river; this would be serene. [Dan: Yes, yes!]
Phil: It would be a 100% serene. Dan: What a lovely journey.
[Phil; There x5 ] Dan: Well, that was just sweet; please Phil, somehow cock this up. Phil: Please sir
Both: Can I have some…
Phil:..hole in one? Phil: Okay, okay, okay, okay
Dan: Is there like another route we could have taken there? Witchcraft. Phil: Happier with that ball.
[Dan: Dan, Master of geometry
*pew pew noises*] Dan: Oh fuck! I mean, I did that intentionally because I wanted to see what’s on this beach.
[Phil: Wow.] [Phil: You’re breaking it.]
Dan: I got a tan, I had a nice time, it was wonderful. Phil: *copying Dan* Phil, master of winning
*sulken* No. Dan: I’m just gonna do what I did before but with less conviction. Dan: Because if you fail once, just try the same thing but not as hard.
[Phil: I’m on the way down.] Phil: *sings* I’m on the way to-
*normal voice* Ooh, they’ve got a jump over here. Dan: That’s fine. My go now.
[Phil: You’re in a good place.] Dan: C’mon, c’mon, com-
Ohhhh, you survived… [Dan:…for now.]
Phil: This is it, this is it. Phil: Wooo!
[Dan: You’re doing it.] Dan: What a mad lad.
[Phil: It’s not it.] Dan: And the miracle of Phil going first.
[Phil: It’s 100% not it.] Dan: Buuuuu
What the shat? Are you joking? Dan: Are you yoking?
Phil: Wooop, yes.
YESSS! Phil: *claps* Double bogey *blows nose* Dan: Actual..air…touched my face there Phil.
[Phil: Good.] Dan: I don’t- Are you…creaming on my cake?
[Phil: Ah! Ooooooohhhhhh] Dan: Are you actually?
[Phil: Yes!] Dan: *slams table*
*screams* WHAT? Fine.
[Phil: *sings* Who’s got a ten? Dan’s got a ten.] Dan: I did that because now you’re only ten behind and that’s fine. Who goes first this time? You.
[Phil: Whateves.] Phil: Straight down this dino’s throat; here we gooooo.
[Dan: Nice and deep.] Dan: Launch
Phil: Ooh, ooh look at that. Dan: Wow, ooh that was satisfying.
[Phil: Yes!] Phil: I don’t know where I’m going but I liked it. Dan: I’m gonna go 100% whack in a completely straight line.
Phil: Okay. Dan: You ready?
Phil: Go. Dan: Zomp, yes!
[Phil: Oh my gosh] Dan: And I’m still going, I’m still going, I’m still going cl-oooh
[Phil: Oooh] Phil: You almost stopped it right over then. Okay, here we go.
[Dan continues oohing] Dan: Weeee
[Phil: Please, please, please] Dan: OHHHHHHHH
[Phil: It just…bounced off the corner of the rim.] Dan: I will do it slower. Dan: *hushed*Yes
*shushes Phil* Dan: Wait wait wait wait wait Dan: Are you effing my…
[Phil: Ohhh, this is satisfying.] Dan: *chokes on his words and spits* Phil: Yee
[Dan: Oh no! Phil]
Phil: Oh, don’t hit the desert!
*squeaks* Please! Dan: Why are you such a sand licker? Look at you go. Oh dear. Where did you get put?
[Phil: Oh.] Dan: You’re there!?
Phil: Yeah. Dan: That was hardly a freaking punishment. Phil: YES, YES, YES. YES, YES
Dan: I see. Dan: Oh, but still one behind, Phil
[Phil: Oh…. I can still do it.] Dan: *sings* He’s got some climbing to do, still. Dan: My turn first. I can see the flag, I’m having a laugh. Dan: BANG BANG! Oh shoot, oh shoot, *drawls* that was intentional.
[Phil: *Northern accent* You’re having a freaking laugh, DANNY] Dan: I planned alllll….Yes, I can work with this…. [Dan:…Maybe.]
Phil: If you were in real life Jurassic Park, would you survive? Dan: No.
Phil: What? Not at all? Dan: Pro-I mean maybe; I just hide and lock myself in a wall and then eventually, people would come. Phil: I’d hang out with the triceratops cause they seem quite friendly. Dan: But, then they’ll just get eaten by the little velociraptor thingies that escape. Phil: Or you could, just, like, hug them to sleep and you’d become their….mate
[Dan: Inevitably.] Phil: Ooh, here we go, here we go.
*moans* That was close. Dan: Someone needs to do something for the scaleys. We do a lot for the furries
Dan: more than I think, for the scaleys.
Phil: Exactly. Dan: And, here we go…
BAM! Phil: And the Dan is gone. Dan:BAM and….you’ve got the same.
Phil: I’ve got the same. Phil: I’m getting back into it now. I can’t believe I started with ten; that makes me want to eat my own…arms. Phil: Go. Dan: You’d be better at golf if you did.
*Both do their inside joke snort* Phil: Here we go, yeee
Dan:Phil’s going right and he’s not following the curves. Dan: Phil does not give a shit about som-
*gasps* Ooh,I could go that way! Phil: Forget the curves.
Dan: Right, no, are you ready for this? Dan: Zom, zoom, zoom, zoom, fuck.
Right, yeah, that was amazing; I love life. Phil: Your ass is grass.
Okay, where do I go then? Dan: I am going on a little adventure *drawls* this way, are you ready?
Phil: Yeah. Dan: Zoomie…
*Both gasp* Dan: Oh yes! Oh Timothy, look at that! Should have done that from the beginning.
[Phil: That was quite satisfying.]
[Phil laughs] Phil: Don’t go in the grass! Phil: Yeeee.. Oh please please please please. Dan: Begging? How embarrassing. Phil: Alright, time to miss, Dan. Phil: *squawks* Phil: Pretty samey at the moment, aren’t we?
[Dan: Fight. Me.] Dan: What the eck Phil: Are they spikes?
[Dan:. XD is happening over there?] Dan: Look at those colourful dino logs.
Right. Phil: Think how big the dinosaurs must be, if their eggs are that big.
[Dan: Okay, I am going this way. *sing-songy*] Dan: Yup, yup, yup, all intentional, shit! That was still intentional; that was completely planned. I meant that; I have a long game that you couldn’t possibly understand and that’s what’s happening.
[Phil: Alright.] Phil: I think…what is this steam lift? Dan: I’m guessing it’s going to make you float graciously into the sky.
[Phil: C’mon.] Phil: No.
Oh? Hello! C’mon! Yeah! Take me over.
[Dan: *sings* I believe I can soar. I believe I can be pushed slowly off the edge.] Phil: My ball’s having a great time here.
Dan: Oh dear Dan: And, ready look. Dan: Woahhh
*screams* NOOOO! WHAT THE FRACK…okay. Dan: You have do this right
Phil: [Go back to the start and try again.] Phil: Woop. Dan: Oh my god, that was so dainty.
Phil: Yeah! Feel that daint, you clumsy oaf. Dan:BAM! Oh frick. Oh snoop. Right, fine.
[Phil giggling.] Phil: *imitating Dan* BAM!
Oh no, oh no, don’t go backwards! Dan: Phil, he does not stop to think at all.
Right. Phil: These steam machines are terrible. Dan: Planned! Obviously. Phil: This is it lads..
*gasps* [Phil: Yes, yes, yes.]
Dan: Wow, you actually made it over the hill, Phil. Well Done.
[Phil: Oh nice; that was so satisfying.] Dan: Right, here we go, you ready for this?
Phil: Yeah. Dan: *screams* NO! AGAIN!
[Phil giggles.] Dan: I mean look, I’m calm and I’m not screaming.
[Phil: This was a- this was a ten for you.] Dan: This is a – no! *slams desk*
[Phil: Yeah!] Dan: Okay fine, I did that deliberately to make this have a good ending cause if I just won the whole time, it would be a boring video and that’s why I care about more than winning.
[Phil hums sceptically] Dan: Right.
Phil: They call him ‘Danny Double Ten.’ Dan: Here we go..zimp! Right, is this even the path that you’re supposed to go on?
[Phil: Ohh, we’re going through the dead carcass…of a dinosaur.] Phil: So why are the eggs still there but the dinosaurs are all bones? Phil: That’s what’s questioning me..and other phrases that make sense in English. Dan: That’s what’sa questioning me.
Phil: What’s a questioning Phil? Dan: Don’t go straight! Ugh, copycat.
What the X….FM are you doing?
[Phil continuously says Yup and yes] [Phil: I don’t think that’s going to leave me anywhere.]
Dan: I cannot believe Dan: Here we go, you ready for this?
Dan: Boing, boing, boing. Phil: I feel like this would be like *hums tune*
[Dan: Yup, yup
*continuous no that gets louder*] Dan: Why you do this to me?
[Phil: Do you know the-] Phil: Oh! *shushing noises*
[Dan: *snorts like a pig*] Dan: *shrill* NICE ONE! Dan:*deep* Yes, Yes, Yes
YES, YES. Intentional! Planned!
[Phil: Oh, look at this!] Dan: Thought through…*moans* Phil: Okay, I can-I can-I can redeem this. Phil: Scoop
Dan: That’s violent, Phil. [Phil: No, I need to get through to the next steps.]
Dan: These violent delights have violent ends Phil: There we go x3
Shut up, Dolores. Dan: Are you actually pooing down my shirt? Right.
[Phil: Yes.] Dan: *satisfied*
Oh! Yes. *They both gasp.* *Klaxon noise*
Phil: *disappointed* Oh.
I’ll give you that one; that was delicious. Dan: Thank you. Dan: Hole eleven, I’m in heaven
[Phil: Oh, too fast.] Dan: *deep* NOOOOO! Phil: Hole eleven, Phil’s winning
OHHHHHH Dan: You deserve to fall out..for saying something so crap. Phil: Right, here we go.
Dan: No! Krampus, it’s my turn! Phil: You can’t just have lots of turns.
Dan: Uhhhh, you, I did my turn – go! Phil: Yes, I’m getting close
[Dan: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……Mister] Dan: Here we go,
I can see ya and I’m coming for ya Phil: I’m in. Phil: Double Boge
[Dan: That’s fine because I am shitting in your bed.]
Phil: You’re number ten! *giggles* Dan: *continous no*
Oh! Crap! Dan: This is actually getting close.
[Phil: Oooh, it’s getting close, it’s getting close.] Dan: Plant beast…..hello?
[Phil: Oh my god.] Dan: What?
[Phil: This is very Crash Bandicoot, all of a sudden.] Dan: *hums Crash Bandicoot theme* Phil: Here we go.
Phil: Ooh, ooh, yes!
It was not. Dan: OOOOOOOOO Phil: Do you reckon you’d get a bonus point if you go in his mouth? Dan: Uhh…I’m gonna try that with my.. straight shooting. Dan: BAM!
And I didn’t go..over the hump. Phil: I’m gonna see if I can get in his mouth. Dan: I don’t think that’s possible Phil; I don’t know what universe you think you live in where that kind of-
[Phil: Wee!] Phil: Oooh?
That wasn’t bad. Dan: That was better! than clearly the hell that I have signed- Oh Phil: I feel like there’s some kind of trick at the end of this; I don’t know why but-
[Dan hums] Dan: Let’s see.
Maybe we’re all going inside the plant in the next one.
[Phil: Oh. Don’t eat me, Mr Plant.] Dan: And there, Phil’s going to stay….just having a nice little afternoon, not in the hole. Phil: You could have knocked me in the hole.
Dan: I just gave you a little slap there like…
[Phil: Yeah.] Dan: “How you doing, idiot?”
[Phil: Fight Me.] Dan: Right.
Phil: IRL Dan: Everything’s going on and I’m going full power; I’m going less than full power.
[Phil: This is……Jurassic Park.] Dan: Zimbe, Zimba, Zoinks
[Phil: Oh my gosh; this is amazing.] Dan: Okay…
Yup, yup, yup.
[Phil: What the hell is this?] Phil: This is like the last hole.
[Dan: YUP, YUP, YUP] Dan: OOO YEAH Phil: Longest ya boy ever. Dan: Ya Boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
[Phil: Yeah, yeah.
Oh? C’mon.] *Dan’s yeah boi continues* Dan: Move the cameraaaaaa
[Phil: It doesn’t let me.] *Dan’s yeah boi continues* Dan: Ohhhh dear
Phil: Nice. Dan: I HAVEN’T Phil: *imitates* I HAVEN’T Dan: I’m in a casual little *pops* Phil: *sings* And they called it….golfy loveeee Phil: Yes!
*claps* Phil: I hope that purple dinosaur tramples you.
[Dan:…is one thick bihh] Dan: With the power of geometry!
Zim, boom, boom, boom, boom. Dan: Oh my god I actually did it, Oh my god I actually did it!
[Phil: Ooo, this is good; look at that.] Dan: Oh my god, I am queen of the universe. Phil: Same. Phil: C’mon C’mon
[Dan: We’ll see about that.] Phil: Nooooo Dan: *Winnie The Pooh voice* Oh noooo Phil: Look, your cockiness is going to get you deported.
[Dan: *Pooh voice* Oh nooooooooo] Dan:Ooooooop Phil: Oh, what the heck? Dan: *cocky laugh* Phil: No!
[Dan:*still laughing*] Phil: No one likes a cocky, winner, Dan Phil: Ooh?
*exclaims* Why isn’t it doing that? Dan: *very high-pitched and cocky* Oh dearrrrrrrrr
Phil: Shut up. Dan: *higher pitch* Oh nooo
Phil: Geometry King! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Phil: Okay, I’ve done it. I’ve got it, I’ve got it. Dan: Oh, so, okay right.
You gonna graciously roll over the hole?
[Phil: I’m gonna graciously descend into the hole.]
Dan: You don’t look for it; you don’t know where it is… Dan:…but as long as you graciously roll into it, everything’s gonna work out.
[Phil: *claps* That went better than I thought it would.] Dan: The gap has widened..like Phil pushed an egg out. Dan: *zoom noises*
Yup. Dan: Thank you, see you letter; I’m getting my math degree.
[Phil: What the..fluff?] Dan: Go left.
[Phil: I didn’t know they were raising up!] Dan: *sings* You raise me upppp so I can bounce off *surprised* corners
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!] Phil: That was nice.
Dan: What? Okay. Dan: Here I go, you ready? Dan: Yup. Phil: Oh my god. Dan: *screams* NO!
*normal voice* Wow, this is some Tomb Raider shat right now.
[Phil: Yeah.] Phil: I’m gonna…try and take it slow.
[Dan: Kinky spank paddles. You can waddle back and forth here.] Dan: Okay. Dan: *sings* I’m gonna fuck. Dan: I’m not adding into that; I’m just gonna-I’m just gonna-yup.
[Phil: *chuckles* It’s a-it’s an old-fashioned car wash is what I think it is.] Dan: Right, you can see…
[Phil: There we go.] Dan:*gasps* Oh my god Phil! I’m rooting for you so-
[Phil: I’m so in line right now.]
Dan: *gasps* You are perfectly- Phil: Can I do it now? I’m doing it now. Phil: SKINK! *both gasp* Phil: *claps* That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever done in my entire life; I can’t believe it. Dan: That was the highlight of my existence…
Dan:…and I’m competing with you. Phil: Oh, is it going to be another tennie? Phil: *gasps* Dan: *screams* NOOOOOO
Phil: *cheering* Phil: *sings* Looks like someone’s almost in the lead
*high-pitched* It’s Philly! Dan: Now..
Phil: No! Dan: That’s the timing you’re supposed to go – now!
[Phil: It’s not.] Phil: Shut up. Phil: Geeeeese
Ohhhhh.] Dan: Ohhhhhhhhhh, okay, fine fine fine fine fine
[Phil: *continuous yes*] Phil: Now. Dan: BAM! *vroom noises* Phil: Okay I’m gonna try to… jump this hole about…that much.
[Dan: *makes an explosion noises*] Phil: Yup.
Dan: Phil is, not interested in the hole, people. [Phil: *sings* Jump the hole.]
Dan: He is jumping right over the hole. Dan: *sultry* Oh hey, how you doing? Phil: Just get out of my life.
[Dan: *sultry* Just hanging out together.] Both: Here we are.
Phil: Here we go. Phil: Wheep!
YES YES YES Dan: *gasps* Phil: That was nice.
*caws* Phil: Oooh, same for you.
[Dan: *soft voice* So was that.] Phil: Double bird.
Dan: *squawks* Phil: Right, we’ve got two more holes and then, that’s it. Dan: Here we go.
[Phil: Go on, mate.] Dan: I’m going with a medium amount of confidence. Phil: Oooh?
*sings* Look what you made me dooo! Phil: Right, I’m gonna go for a higher amount of confidence about…that much.
[Dan: FULL CONFIDENCE.] Phil: Yiss. Dan: Ohhhhhhh
[Phil: I could have been more; I could have done more. Dan: This is terrifying; we can’t see over the edge. Dan: Right, right, right, left, left, up, down, left, right L1, R2
[Phil: Oh god.] Phil: A start Phil: Right, this is it. Phil: Weeee Phil: C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon
Yes, yes, yes! Dan: What? How fun would this be to go down, if it was a a waterslide?
[Phil: Oh my God, Oh my God.] Phil: I wanna sit on it right now! Dan: *sings* Phil wants to sit on it…then get in the hole Phil: Alright, there we go, there we go, there we go.
[Dan: This is the most fun thing I’ve ever seen.] Phil: If it wasn’t going at one frame per second.
[Dan: I lov-I love the stop motion animation that is Phil’s Mac playing a golf game.]
[Phil: Yeah, I know.] Phil: Here we go, here we go, here we go!
Lads! Dan: OHHHHHHHH
[Phil: *groans*] Dan: And with that, the po-tentially most satisfying thing in the entire world turned out to be garbage. Phil: This is nice; it’s so much nicer on a smoother screen. Dan: Oh yeah. *lots of oohs in anticipation* Phil: It’s making me feel sick. Dan: C’mon, c’mon, c’mon
Ride it x5
[Phil: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god, nooooo, nooooo!] Dan: *screams* NO!
[Phil: *claps*] Dan: *spits*
I tickled the edge; I just spat on my own hand.
Right. Phil: Good.
Dan: It was worth it.] Phil: PAR. Dan: *sings* spat on my hand, now I’ll go in the hole; there we are. Both: Right.
Phil: Ooh, there’s one between us and one more round.
And, it’s Dan to go first.
[Dan: I guess, visor vs turf.] Phil: Yeah.
Dan: We’ll know who wins.
[Phil: Here we go.] Dan: The only thing you can ever do in the final hole is full power, straight ahead. Phil: Balls to the wall. Dan: Booh! Right in the belly button. Phil: I’m gonna go right between his legs.
[Dan: Okay.] Phil: There we go, woop
[Dan: You benefit from my-] Phil: Yes! Yes! *claps*
Into the crotch. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
C’mon, c’mon! Phil: I don’t know what’s happening but I’m loving it. Dan: *hums the McDonald’s jingle* Dan: *random hums and explosion sounds* Dan: Oh my god, go on, no, no, no, no
[Phil: What even-] Dan: *gasps* Phil: Oof.
What even is this madness that’s happening right now? Dan: That could have been my end, right there.
[Phil: *woops*] Dan: I hope you realise.
[Phil: Yeah.] Dan: *sings* Ohh Phil; it wasn’t enough.
[Phil: That was weak.] Dan: *bam and explosion noises* Phil: They-They’ve kidnapped one of the creatures from Candy Land..and they put him in a cage. Phil: This has gotten a lot more sinister. Dan: The law implications of this are crazy; can we get MatPat here right now? Phil: Here we go x3 Dan: mmmmmm…oh my god, this is so scary.
[Phil: *woops*] Phil: Oh!
Please, please, please Dan: *exhales* Phil: I’m there at least. Dan: I am not done yet. Dan: Oh no!
*screams* I probably am! Phil: *gasps*
Dan: OHHHHHHHH Phil: Oh my god, I’m gonna eat my own face. Dan: Wait, wait, wait, wait, where is it then? Is it right in the middle? Phil: Geez….Louise Dan: *gasps*
*screams* NO! NO! Phil: Wh-wh-wh-wha?
[Dan: Oh! No!
*screams* No! No! No! No!] Phil: *claps*
Dan: Oh my god!] Phil: I just need to get this now and then I’m fine. Dan: ACHOO! BUM! HOLE! SNEEZE! Dan: shit x2
[Phil: *gasps*] *Phil clapping and Dan crying no* Phil: *sings* I am the king of the dinosaurs x2
*Dan still crying no*
*sad music* *sad music*
Dan: *evil laugh* Dan: You betrayed me.
WHYYYYYY? Dan: Umm, okay so that was fun.
[Phil: *hums Jurassic Park theme song*] Phil: *still humming*
Dan: More golf. Dan: Great, I think I need a-a world tour trip for five months to just get over the intensity of playing that with you…
[Phil: That was too intense.] Dan:..for twenty minutes.
[Phil: Ooh.] Dan: Hope you had a nice time
[Phil: Wow.] Dan: Um, it seems like, unless the person that makes this actually just quits..
Phil: Yeah? Dan: Um..
Phil: There’s always gonna be more…courses to do! Dan: But there might be only be one more to do so, there’s hope for me yet. Phil: So, if you wanna see that, give us a thumbs up and we’ll try the pirate course another time. Phil: You can subscribe by clicking subscribe; our other video is over there. Phil: Come see us on tour; there won’t be golf but there will be some peril and hang outs. Phil: BYE!